How you expect the person to behave

Relationships are intricate mosaics of emotions, experiences, and expectations. Among these, expectations play a pivotal role in shaping interactions and determining the trajectory of relationships. Whether they are explicit or implicit, communicated or assumed, expectations greatly influence how we perceive and respond to others’ behaviors. Let’s delve deeper into the realm of expectations and its influence on how we anticipate others to act.

The foundation of expectations:

Expectations stem from various sources:

Personal experiences: past encounters, especially during formative years, lay the foundation for our expectations. For instance, if someone has grown up in an environment where punctuality was emphasized, they might expect the same from others.

Cultural and societal norms: cultural backgrounds and societal norms dictate numerous unspoken rules about appropriate behavior.

Previous interactions: our experiences with an individual influence our future expectations from them. If a colleague has always provided constructive feedback, you might expect them to continue doing so.

Projected self-expectations: often, we project our standards and principles onto others, anticipating they will act in a manner we deem fit.

Expectations and their effects on behavior:

Self-fulfilling prophecy: this psychological phenomenon describes situations where a person behaves in alignment with someone else’s expectations. If a teacher expects a particular student to excel, they might provide them with more attention and resources, leading the student to perform better.

Perception bias: our expectations can cloud judgment and lead to biases. If we expect someone to be disruptive, even their innocent actions might be viewed with suspicion.

Strain on relationships: unrealistic or unmet expectations can strain relationships. It can lead to feelings of disappointment, resentment, or inadequacy.

Navigating expectations in relationships:

Open communication: it’s crucial to communicate expectations clearly. Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and disappointments. Explicit conversations can help both parties understand and align their expectations.

Set realistic expectations: it’s essential to recognize that every individual is unique with their strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. Setting achievable expectations ensures you’re not setting up the other person for failure.

Empathy and understanding: put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their perspective, challenges, and constraints. This can help in setting fair expectations.

Reevaluate and adjust: over time, situations change, and so do individuals. It’s essential to periodically reevaluate and adjust expectations in light of new circumstances or information.

Avoid over-expectation: expecting too much can place undue pressure on the other person, leading to stress, anxiety, and potential burnout.

Acknowledge and appreciate: when someone meets or exceeds your expectations, acknowledge and appreciate their efforts. It fosters positive reinforcement and encourages the continuation of desired behavior.

The flip side: the dangers of low expectations:

While it’s essential to avoid unrealistically high expectations, setting the bar too low can also be detrimental.

Underestimation: consistently low expectations can lead to underestimating an individual’s potential, depriving them of opportunities to grow and excel.

Hampered growth: especially in mentor-mentee or parental relationships, low expectations can stifle growth and development.

Resentment: the individual might feel undervalued or unappreciated, leading to feelings of resentment or reduced self-worth.

Finding the balance:

Feedback loop: create an environment where both parties can express their feelings and feedback about expectations. This can help in aligning and recalibrating expectations.

Flexibility: while consistency is essential, rigidity can be counterproductive. Be open to modifying expectations based on situations and individual capacities.

Mutual respect: base your expectations on mutual respect. Recognize the other person’s autonomy, capabilities, and rights.

Self-awareness: be aware of your biases, fears, and insecurities. Recognize if they are playing a role in shaping your expectations.


Expectations, when managed correctly, can guide behavior, foster growth, and strengthen relationships. However, unchecked, unrealistic, or uncommunicated expectations can lead to strain, disappointment, and conflicts. The key lies in understanding, communication, and flexibility. By setting fair, realistic, and clear expectations, we can create an environment of trust, mutual respect, and shared growth. Remember, every individual is on their unique journey, with their capabilities and challenges. Tailoring your expectations with empathy and understanding can ensure harmonious and fruitful interpersonal relationships.